The Second Marriage Situation
Deena wrote:
I have been married before and have children from my previous marriage. My fiance has never been married before and has no children. He wants a traditional reception. What is ‘proper’ for me where I have been married before? In terms of dress? Would I address anything on the invitations I send to people who came to my first wedding? I don’t want them to feel like they have to buy me a gift again just because I am sending them an invitation.
Hi Cory,
You aren’t alone in asking this question. Because over half of all couples end up divorced, a second marriage and the questions of what is appropriate for the events are very common. Honestly, this question comes down to who is paying for the marriage. If you and your fiance are flipping the bill, then by all means have a party! However, if you are expecting mom and dad to pay for the second marriage, then you are out of luck. They have no ethical obligation to pay for another event, as they may have invested heavily on the first marriage.
In terms of dress, that is entirely up to you. If your fiance wants the traditional attire, then by all means wear the traditional dress. However, most second marriages tend to have a more casual approach in terms of attire.
In regards to the gift question, you may want to include a “no gifts” phrase in your invitation. It is not appropriate to assume that guests of the first marriage should buy gifts for the second one. Though this may be a challenge for your fiance, it is the considerate route. In the event he will not budge on wanting gifts, be prepared to print out two separate invitations - one for new guests and the other for “returning” guests.
